At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
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Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
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You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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