Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
