Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
