Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
i need some magic done to my vagina
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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