so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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