I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
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Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
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He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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