You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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