So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
