It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
