Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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