oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
