I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Drunk is not a location!
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
