I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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