She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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