She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
