I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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