You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Less talking, more tequila
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
