Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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