Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
