i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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