Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
