I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
two words...techno handjob
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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