Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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