He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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