i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
