Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
