Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
