Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
# Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
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I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is