Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?