is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
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I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
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I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.