So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.