I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
