so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Boobs speak an international language.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
