Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize