do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
