remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
