my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Randomize
