You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
