the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
