You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
