the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
