Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
