you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
