I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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