Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
