This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
