connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
