Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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