You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i think i have herpe
just one?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
