made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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