If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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