And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize