I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
did i just pee glitter
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