I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
