I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
