he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
