Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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