i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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