I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
