I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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