On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
