the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
