I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
