dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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