So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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