i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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