So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My vagina is officially offended.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
